Episode 4: Why Do We Say Yes When We Want To Say No?
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Why are we afraid to say no? This is the short question with a long, deep and wide answer that we’ll be diving into.
For me, the reason you say yes when you want to say no all boils down to a FEAR OF BOUNDARY SETTING. But the problem with boundaries is that we have to be TAUGHT how to do boundaries well.
That means that you learned early on from your caregivers’ actions what boundaries in action look like but after months and months of listening to clients AND MYSELF, I’m not sure that ANYBODY has been modelled ‘good boundaries’. That’s left many of us in a pickle, unable to clearly express our wants and needs without fearing the feedback of the person being ‘boundaried’.
In this episode, we’ll be unpacking the constructs of Fawning, People-Pleasing, Boundary Setting, Authenticity and Authenticity vs Attachment theory in order to get to the bottom of this problem so we can start getting ourselves out of that pickle.
To help you delve deeper, there’s also a mini-workshop within this episode to get you started on your path to knowing yourself and voicing your boundaries. Make sure you have a pen and paper handy before we dive in for the best results!
Highlights from the episode
- The core reason we’re afraid to say no
- What it looks like when we go into “fawning” mode
- When we start to develop the tendency to fawn
- The steep price of fawning
- What our early caregivers teach us about boundaries
- Why you need to voice your boundaries
- Learning how to communicate your boundaries well
- Why authenticity matters
- How authentic are you?
- The connection between authenticity and happiness
- How to get out of the fawning and the self-abandonment ‘yes’ trap